some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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