The maid of honor just puked.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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