census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
