Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would ride that face into the sunset
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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