She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My ass is underappreciated
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
