When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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