when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And then my night got REAL pukey
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
