You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
