and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
