She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
