either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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