Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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