Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
