Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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