I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
