his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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