I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She told me I should be a condom model.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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