Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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