What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
