I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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