She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
