1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
