i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
