She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
