I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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