I've blown a few things in my day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
