hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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