I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
