Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
