I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
