I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
