I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
