Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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