I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
