Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
