When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
