The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
