On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
being pregnant is like rehab
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
