Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
