ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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