I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
