He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
