He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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