My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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