I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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