Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
