I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
