During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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