Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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