dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
