Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
