Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
