currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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