remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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